Question from a parent:
"For the past several weeks my 2 year old has been waking up at night, every night, when everything was fine before. What can I do?"
Any change in a child's behavior can mean that an event has occurred in his or her life. Some events seem insignificant to us adults, but on the scale of a child, a forgotten snack, for example, can produce the effect of a tsunami, and initiate a new anguish.
Regardless of the age of the child, up to 7 years old, my first advice would be to think back to what happened the day of, and up to a few days before, the change in behavior, and talk about it with the people he or she is in contact with on a daily basis. If you find the explanation, talk about it with your child, explain what happened and how he or she may have felt. If he or she is old enough to tell, let him or her do so in his or her own words, without trying to minimize the event. Once he or she has had a chance to express himself or herself, tell him or her that it's all over now and that everything is fine. For example, perhaps he was scared at the park and felt unsafe because a strange man spoke to him. You saw it from a distance but did not worry about it, or you reacted strongly, which may have increased his fear. All cases are possible. We are not here to make the parent feel guilty, but rather to calm the situation.
If, on the other hand, no explanation can be found for a child up to the age of 6-7, the following ritual can be established at bedtime for one or more weeks, until the child regains confidence. I suggest a few short phrases to be said to the child by one of the parents just before turning off the light:
- When you're sleeping, I still love you
- Alone, in your bed, you are safe
- Sleep allows you to grow
On the other hand, some children are very afraid of what might happen when they sleep.
For example, parents may forget to tell their child that a babysitter is coming to watch them. The child wakes up and a more or less known head bends over his bed... Or, a pregnant mother has to go to the hospital in the middle of the night, and she doesn't want to wake up her child. The next morning, the child is awakened by his grandfather who came to watch him during the delivery. The child loves his grandfather very much, but he begins to think that when he is asleep, Mommy and Daddy may not be there. Anxiety sets in and he begins to wake up at night to check that his parents are still there.
So I advise parents to always tell their child if they are going to be away unexpectedly, even if they are sleeping. It's better to wake them up.
In this case, in the bedtime ritual, we can add:
- You can sleep easy because if I have to go away during the night, I will come and tell you.
If these few tips are not enough to calm the child, there is another less obvious reason. In this case, a consultation with a doctor to look for a medical reason, and/or a therapist, can help find a solution.
Personally, I do not see children under the age of 5. When I see the parents only, there is often an improvement, because, after having listened to them to understand the problem, I transmit my solutions to the parents.
Everything I say is based on my own experience as a parent and therapist. What works for some people does not necessarily work for others, and that's fine. There is no one way to see and act on a given issue. Take only what resonates with you.
